Being kind is one of the hallmarks of being a godly woman. It encompasses generosity, compassion, and kind deeds. It is shown in practical ways by doing kind deeds joyfully, expressing kind and compassionate words, and speaking those words in a kind and gentle tone of voice.

We are to be gentle, considerate, amiable, congenial, and sympathetic – even with those who are undeserving and unkind to us. To be kind is to be godlike, “for [God] Himself,” Jesus said, “is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35). Also, the Apostle Paul encourages believers to “be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

Kind deeds are what make you a beautiful woman, not your physical appearance.

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness. 1 Tim. 2:9-10

The Titus 2 woman is not only kind in her words, but she is also kind in using a gentle tone of voice. Proverbs 31:26 says that the excellent wife “opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Here’s a warning though- we can’t do this on our own! Both kindness and goodness are ‘fruit of the Spirit’, says Galatians 5:22. So, stop straining in your own power and turn to the Holy Spirit–the Helper that God has given us (John 14:26)– to help us to demonstrate kindness in our words and deeds.

Discussion questions

1. Between a one and a ten on the kind-o-meter, how would you have rated yourself before marriage and motherhood?

What about now?

2. How would you describe words that are kind?

3. What is one hindrance to kindness that you face most often?

Examples: Anger (wanting my way, more than wanting to glorify God by being kind)

Bitterness (nurturing extreme hostility toward others)

Judging (looking for others faults and, without valid and sufficient reason, forming unfavorable opinions of their qualities, words, actions or motives)

How can you apply the Scriptures to your struggles/situation?

4. How would our family and friends portray our character? If we played ‘the reputation game’ with your family members, friends and neighbors, what do you think they would say you like to be “known” for? (i.e. Your style of clothing, talents and abilities, hobbies, standard of living, good deeds, etc.)

*We should be renowned for good works at home, in our churches, and extending into our communities, not to garner attention for ourselves, but to show forth the compelling power of the gospel!*

Let’s be renowned for praying, for listening, for encouraging, for being hospitable, for sharing the love of Christ.

5. Think of a recent situation where you got angry. Now read James 4:1-2. What was it that you ‘desired’ more than you wanted to please God?

Do you need to ask forgiveness of one or more family members? Let’s do it today!

6. Are you currently experiencing weariness in ‘doing good’ for your family? Be assured that being kind and doing good today will yield sweet fruit in the future–on earth and in heaven.

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,

With several long hours before her flight.

She hunted for a book in the airport shop,

Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,

That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,

Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.

She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,

As the gutsy, “cookie thief” diminished her stock.

She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,

Thinking, If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye!

With each cookie she took, he took one too.

When only one was left, she wondered what he’d do.

With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,

He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he at the other.

She snatched it from him and thought, Oh brother,

This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude.

Why, he didn’t even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,

And signed with relief when her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,

Refusing to look back at the “thieving ingrate”

She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,

Then sought her book, which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:

There were her cookies in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned with despair

Then the others were his and he tried to share!

Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,

That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!

Crumb topping
(Great on muffin tops as well as fruit crisps, quick to make in bowl of your mixer)

½ cup butter (if cold, cut into small pieces)
1 cup flour
½ cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup oatmeal

Mix together until butter is distributed and the mixture becomes crumbly. Store extra in plastic container in freezer.

Cran-Apple Crumb Pie (No pie crust needed!)
Fill a pie plate half full with apple slices (Choose a tart variety like Granny Smith’s, peel them, if you wish) Sprinkle with two handfuls of dried cranberries. Continue to fill plate until apples mound up slightly. Add more craisins, a drizzle of honey, and top with crumb topping to cover the apples. Bake at 350° until apples are tender and topping is browned (approx 50 minutes).

Easy does it 9” Pie Crust
1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons chilled butter, cut into small pieces
2 tablespoons vegetable shortening
4 – 5 tablespoons ice water
1 teaspoon cider vinegar

Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Combine flour and salt in bowl; cut in butter and shortening with a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal. Sprinkle surface with ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time; add vinegar. Toss with a fork until moist and crumbly (do not form a ball).

Press mixture gently into a 4-inch circle on heavy-duty plastic wrap (may need to overlap 2 pieces of wrap to allow room for 12” circle to be rolled); cover with additional plastic wrap. Roll dough, still covered, to a 12-inch circle. Freeze a few minutes until plastic wrap can be easily removed.

Remove 1 sheet of wrap; fit dough into a 9” pie plate. Remove top sheet of wrap. Fold edges under; flute. Line bottom of dough with a piece of foil; arrange dried beans on foil. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes. Remove beans and foil; cool on wire rack.

Maple Spice Pumpkin Pie
(Makes Two Pies)
1 can (29 oz.) Libby’s pumpkin purée
3/4 cup of honey or maple syrup
2 tablespoons molasses
1/2 teaspoon ginger
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (Trader Joe’s)
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 eggs, slightly beaten
1 can evaporated milk

Mix all ingredients together until well blended.
Pour into two 9”pie shells (pre-bake the shells at 400° for 15 minutes, explained in pie crust recipe).
Bake 45 minutes at 350° F or until set.
Cool on wire rack. Serve room temperature or chilled with whipped cream.

Sweet Potato Pie
2 cups sweet potato purée (from 2 large yellow sweet potatoes: microwave baked, peeled, and whirled in processor until smooth)
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest (from one orange)
3 tablespoons orange juice
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (Trader Joe’s)
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 1/3 cup evaporated milk

Mix ingredients until well blended.
Pour into 9” pie shell (I pre-baked the shell at 400° for 15 minutes, see notes).
Bake 350° F for 40 minutes or until set.
Cool on wire rack. Serve room temperature or chilled with whipped cream.

Savory Walnut and Blue Cheese Tart with Cranberries
(Great for supper with a green salad, or as a warm appetizer)
Crust:
1 cup flour 2/3 cup walnuts ¼ teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon dry mustard
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper 3 tablespoons cold butter
Whirl in food processor until blended, add 2 tablespoons milk and pulse until dough comes together. Press into a 9” tart pan (or 9” spring-form pan) with removable sides, prick all over with a fork. Bake at 375° for 20-25 minutes or until golden.

Filling:
2 tablespoons olive oil 1 large onion, finely diced ½ teaspoon salt
1 cup chopped walnuts 1 cup cranberries, fresh or frozen 1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons fresh thyme 2 eggs 1 cup light cream
2-3 oz. crumbled blue cheese

Sauté onion in oil with salt in heavy pan over medium heat until onion is tender and caramelized. Add cranberries and sugar and cook until berries pop. Stir in walnuts and thyme and spread in baked shell. Wisk eggs and cream together and pour over mixture in shell. Sprinkle with the blue cheese and bake at 350° until golden and custard is set, about 20 minutes. Cool 15 minutes before serving.

Your Best Pie Now
Apple pie is simply cooked, sweetened apple surrounded by pie crust. Pie crust is simply layers of fat and flour, bound together by a little water, which has been exposed to high heat. A few good tools, careful attention to temperature, and a gentle technique are all that’s required to create these basics and turn them into America’s favorite dessert.

Tools
The shortest path to consistently great pie in record time is travelled with the help of a food processor. It cuts even the coldest fat into flour with ease, and makes quick work of slicing the several pounds of apples needed to make a deep-dish pie. When you consider that a good-quality processor will last you well over ten years, and the variety of functions it performs, it’s pretty much an essential investment. If buying a new one is cost-prohibitive, consider checking EBay or Craigslist for used ones. KitchenAid and Cuisinart make the highest-quality models.

Other tools that make pie-making easier are:
• An excellent peeler (OXO makes great ones)
• An apple corer/slicer – a tool that looks like a wagon wheel with flared sides to grip. Helps you core and slice a peeled apple into eight pieces in one swift motion.
• A wooden pastry board – if you have tile counters, rolling pastry directly onto it will not only leave grout lines in your dough, but will also leave you with skidgy grout filled with flour and dough. While you can make do with the back of a large cookie sheet or even a wooden pizza peel, a wooden pastry board also usually has helpful circles marked out so you know when you’ve rolled out the dough to the right circumference for your recipe.

Temperature
When making pie dough, cold is your friend and warmth is your enemy! Store butter and shortening in the fridge or freezer; if you can, measure out and cut up needed quantities in advance, wrap them lightly in plastic wrap, then store them in the freezer until you’re ready to make your dough.

While some apple pie filling recipes have you put the fruit in uncooked, the recipe I like calls for cooking down the apples in advance and letting them cool completely before adding them to the prepped pie pan/crust.


Technique
When cutting fat into the flour, resist the urge to mix too much. When adding water, add just enough so that the dough is just sticking together and is still a little bit crumbly. Bring it all together on your flat surface, but don’t knead it! Shape it into a smaller version of the shape you’ll be rolling out later – either a rectangle for lattice strips or a disc for a crust. Remember to let your chilled pie dough sit out for twenty minutes or so before rolling it out, or it will likely break and not be able to be formed into a consistent circle.

Basic Pie Dough
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
2+tbsp sugar
½ cup shortening, chilled
12 tbsp (1 ½ sticks) butter, cut into ¼-inch pieces, chilled
6-8 tbsp water

1. Process the flour, salt, and sugar in a food processor until combined. Add the shortening and process until the mixture has the texture of coarse sand, about 10 seconds. Scatter the butter pieces over the flour mixture; cut the butter into the flour until the mixture is pale yellow and resembles coarse crumbs, with butter bits no larger than small peas, about ten 1-second pulses. Turn the mixture into a medium bowl.
2. Sprinkle 6 tablespoons of the ice water over the mixture. With a wooden spoon, use a folding motion to mix. Press down on the dough with the back side of the spoon until the dough sticks together, adding up to 2 tablespoons more ice water if the dough will not come together. Divide the dough into 2 balls and flatten each into a 4-inch disk. Wrap each in plastic and regrigerate at least 1 hour or up to 2 days before rolling.

Lattice Crust Pie Dough
Follow the directions for Basic Pie Dough, increasing the flour to 3 cups, reducing the shortening to 7 tablespoons, reducing the butter to 10 tablespoons, and increasing the ice water to 10 tablespoons. Divide the dough into 2 pieces, one slightly larger than the other. Flatten the larger piece into a rough 5-inch square and the smaller piece into a 4-inch disk; wrap separately in plastic and chill as directed.

Apple Pie Filling
4 tbsp (1/2 stick) butter
4 lbs. apples (firm varieties like Granny Smith or Golden Delicious), peeled, quartered, cored and sliced ¼ inch thick
¾ cup sugar
¾ tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp cognac or brandy
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg white
1 tbsp sugar

1. Heat butter in a large (11-12 inch) skillet over medium-high heat. Add apples slices, sugar and cinnamon, and when they start to sizzle and steam, reduce heat to low. Cover pan and simmer until apples soften and release their juices, about 8 minutes. Uncover, increase heat to medium-high and cook, stirring frequently, until softer apples start to fall apart and juices thicken to thin syrup consistency, about 5 minutes longer. Transfer apples to a jelly roll pan; refrigerate or set in a cool place until apples cool to room temperature. Stir in cognac or brandy and vanilla extract.
2. Adjust rack to lowest position and preheat oven to 400F. Roll pie dough out on a lightly floured even surface into a 12-inch circle, about 1/8 inch thick. Transfer and fit dough into a 9-inch ovenproof glass pie pan, leaving any overhanging dough in place. Turn cooled apples into pie shell.
3. Roll other disk out on a lightly floured surface into a 10-inch circle. Lay it over fruit. Trim top and bottom edges to ½ inch beyond pan lip. Tuck this rim of dough underneath itself so that folded edge is flush with pan lip. Flute dough or press with fork tines to seal. Cut 4 vents at right angles on top of dough to allow steam to escape. Brush pie top with egg white and sprinkle with sugar. Freeze pie for 15 minutes.
4. Place pie on a baking sheet and bake until the top crust is golden, about 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350F and continue baking until crust is golden brown and juices bubble, 30 to 35 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack; cool slightly. Serve warm.

Cherry Pie Filling
¼ cup cornstarch
1 cup plus 1 tbsp sugar
¼ tsp ground cinnamon
Pinch salt
3 (24-ounce) jars Morello cherries, drained, or fresh or canned sour cherries, pitted and drained
¼ tsp almond extract

1. Remove lattice crust dough from fridge (let stand for 30 minutes or until malleable). Roll the larger piece of dough to a 15 by 11 inch rectangle about 1/8 inch thick; transfer the dough rectangle to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. With a pizza wheel, fluted pastry wheel or paring knife, trim the long sides of the rectangle to make them straight, then cut the rectangle lengthwise into 8 strips 15 inches long by 1 ¼ inches wide. Freeze the strips on the baking sheet until firm, about 30 minutes.
2. Roll the smaller piece of dough on a lightly floured work surface or between 2 large sheets of parchment paper or plastic wrap to a 12-inch circle. Transfer the dough to a 9-inch pie plate. Working around the circumference of the pan, ease the dough into the pan corners by gently lifting the edge of the dough with one hand while pressing it into the pan bottom with the other hand. Leave the dough that overhangs the lip of the pie plate in place; refrigerate the dough-lined plate.
3. Remove the dough strips from the freezer; if they are too stiff to be workable, let stand at room temperature until malleable and softened slightly but still very cold. Form lattice top and place in the freezer until firm, about 15 minutes.
4. Meanwhile, adjust an oven rack to the lowest position, place a rimmed baking sheet on it, and heat the oven to 500 degrees.
5. Mix together the cornstarch, 1 cup (or a little more if desired) of sugar, cinnamon, and salt in a medium bowl. Stir in the cherries and almond extract.
6. Turn the cherry mixture into the dough-lined pie plate. Remove the lattice from the freezer and place on top of the filled pie. Trim the lattice strips and crimp the pie edges. Lightly brush or spray the lattice top with 1 tablespoon water and sprinkle with the remaining 1 tablespoon sugar.
7. Lower the oven temperature to 425 degrees. Place the pie on the baking sheet and bake until the crust is set and begins to brown, 25 to 30 minutes.
8. Rotate the pie and reduce the oven temperature to 375 degrees; continue baking until the crust is deep golden brown and the juices in the center bubble, 25 to 30 minutes longer. Cool the pie on a wire rack for at least 2 hours before serving.

Recipes taken from:
“The New Best Recipe”, from the editors of Cook’s Illustrated
“The Perfect Recipe”, Pam Anderson

 Being ‘workers at home’ (Titus 2:5) 

Today’s women face great pressure from those in our society holding unbiblical beliefs concerning the woman’s place in the home.  There are loud voices calling women away – calling for liberation from both God and the home.  There is a disdain of domesticity and contempt for housewives.  

In God’s economy, homemaking is a high and noble calling.  A wife is to focus her life on the home and the family is to be her sphere of responsibility. 

The home is a woman’s special domain where she is able to offer the most encouragement and support to her husband (if she is married.)  It is where she teaches and guides and sets a godly example for those around her (children, family and friends.)  It is the best place for extending hospitality – to Christian friends, to unbelieving neighbors, and to visiting missionaries or other Christian workers.  No matter what your season in life, you can discover ways to make your residence a home, cultivate the domestic arts, and prayerfully consider how to use your home for outreach and care to others.

Discussion questions to think about

1.  In what ways have we been influenced by feminist ideology over the past few decades? How does Scripture (specifically Titus 2, 1 Timothy 5:14, and Proverbs 31 convince us to think differently about the home?

  2.  Where do you find yourself – are you a full-time homemaker, or are you employed outside of the home?  Regardless of your situation, what is your attitude toward the home, and are there areas in your attitude that need to change?

 3.  Consider this quote:  “Our homes should be pleasant havens for our husbands and children, sanctuaries where we offer care and hospitality to other Christians, and gateways from which we extend the gospel to family, friends, and neighbors.” 

 In what ways does your home serve these godly purposes?

In what ways does it not?

  4.  Proverbs 31:27 says, “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” 

 A godly woman/wife works hard and is not lazy.  What helpful hints/tips can you share with the group that have helped you to work more diligently and efficiently?

 Share some specific steps that you can take toward improving the ways you ‘look well to the ways of your household’ (watching over your household.)

 Share some specific steps that you can take toward eliminating the ways you ‘eat the bread of idleness’. 

  5.  The woman/wife/mother often ‘sets the tone’ in the home.  The tone God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family. 

 What are some ways you can ‘set the tone’ and create a godly atmosphere in your home?

Basic Tools

Hand Sewing Needle Guide

Hand Stiches

Attaching Buttons

Replacing a Button

Shortening Pants and Sleeves

Hemming Jeans

Altering Dress and Skirt Hems

Pop Garden Scrap Flower Tutorial

In ancient times a city without walls was inconceivable. The walls were a main defense and without them a city was easy prey to its enemies. Proverbs 25:28 states that: “Like a city that is broken into and without walls, is a man who has no control over his spirit.” Self-control is a wall of defense against the enemies of our soul. Scripture warns us that the world hates us (John 15:19), the enemy seeks to devour us (1 Peter 5:8), and our sinful desires wage war against our souls (1 Peter 2:11). These desires are deceitful (Eph. 4:22) and they drag us away and entice us into sin (James 1:14). We are in a fierce battle – confronting sin from within and temptations from without.

Self-control requires our effort in cooperation with the power of the Holy Spirit. The Lord is always present to help us in our time of need and is glorified by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin. Self-control is what we need in order to say no to sinful desires, and what we need to follow through on godly desires.

We are all aware of many areas where we need to change and it’s a temptation to manufacture self-control “all by your self.” Mustering up resolve and trying again…only harder this time. Instead turn your attention back to God and His abundant grace for change. He is eager to help us and has promised to complete the work that He initiated in our lives (Phil. 1:6). But we must choose to be wholly and completely dependent on Him – relying on His better strength!

Take a moment to consider some ways to apply self-control to your life. Look at how it relates to your appetites (sleeping and eating, for example), your thoughts and feelings (because of sin are these contrary to what Scripture commands?), and your behavior (your speech, finances, time, work, meeting with God, etc.)

By exercising self-control you can make wise commitments by adhering to biblical priorities. You can stay within your budget — being content with what you have. You can face the reality of your life with hope in God that is grounded in the Scriptures. Because the Bible is true and we can trust what it says about God and our circumstances, we can find hope instead of despair.

Acknowledgements to sources utilized in this handout:

The MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Titus

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother,
Carolyn Mahaney

Becoming a Titus 2 Woman, Martha Peace

1. Mix everything together in a casserole dish.
2. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour.

Items purchased: Cost Each: Total Cost:
Soup .69 1.38
Cheese 5.29 5.29
Potatoes 3.50 7.00

Total: $13.67
Serves 8: $ 1.70 per person cost

Eggplant with Penne
2 medium eggplants, cut into 3/4in. cubes
1/4 c. hoisin sauce
1/4 c. fresh lemon juice
12 oz. penne pasta
2 Tbl. dark sesame oil
2 Tbl. Vegetable oil
4 medium garlic, minced

1. Toss eggplant with 2 teas. salt and set aside.
2. In a small bowl, mix hoisin sauce, lemon juice and 1/4 c. water. Set aside.
3. Heat sesame oil and vegetable oil. Add garlic and cook 30 sec. Add eggplant in batches squeezing out as much liquid as possible. Add hoisin mixture.
4. Cover and cook till eggplant is tender.
5. Serve over penne pasta

Freezes well.
Variation: Add 2 c. tomatoes, sauteed

Summer Squash Casserole
3 Tbl. butter
1/3 c. green onions
3/4 c. celery, diced
3 c. crook neck squash, sliced
1 1/2 c. cherry tomatoes
1 tsp. fresh basil, chopped or 1/4 t. dry basil, crushed
pepper to taste

1. Saute onions and celery in butter until soft.
2. Add squash and blend. Pour into shallow casserole. Cover with layer of tomatoes.
3. Sprinkle with pepper and basil.
4. Cover and bake at 300 degrees for 30 minutes.

‘Loving your husband’…is the first item in the Titus 2:3-5 list of ‘encouragements’ given to the older women to teach/train the younger women. It’s an important topic with many applications to our lives. One we won’t cover in full depth, but hopefully enough to gain insight from the Scriptures, challenge our thinking, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts.

This applies to you. (Note: while Titus 2:3-5 directly applies to married women, it surely applies to unmarried women as well. If you are presently single, marriage may be in your future and you can wisely prepare for it now. Should you remain single, you can care for the marriages of those closest to you, and help to train the younger women in your life, drawing on the truth of God’s Word. Titus 2 exhorts all women to perceive the value of being mentored and being a mentor. Younger women should consistently pursue more mature women to learn from their wisdom and experience. Older women should prayerfully consider the younger women God has brought into their lives, in order to encourage and support them.)

A little background. As we study the verses in Titus 2:3-5, it’s helpful to have some background on the book of Titus and its author. Titus, the man, was a Gentile convert to Christianity who had traveled with the Apostle Paul. Titus was not only Paul’s understudy, but was his beloved brother in the faith, partner and fellow worker. After a few years, Paul left Titus on the island of Crete (off the coast of Greece) in order that he might continue ministering to the churches there. Later, Paul wrote the letter we now call Titus to instruct Titus on what to teach to the people in the churches on Crete. He was passing the baton, as it were, to a young pastor that he had discipled, had great confidence in, and for whom he had a great love as a spiritual father. The real purpose of the letter to Titus was to build strong churches that would be effective in evangelism. It focuses on salvation by God’s grace alone working through the believer’s faith (3:5-7) and the obligations and responsibilities we have as God’s children and fellow heirs with our Lord Jesus Christ (3:7). This letter is very practical and presents the kind of Christian ministry and personal Christian living that leads the unconverted to salvation. Paul knew that the saving truth of the gospel message falls on deaf ears when those proclaiming it live ungodly lives that show no evidence of redemption. God is a saving God, who saves people that they might live godly lives in order that others might also be saved through the proclamation of gospel truth supported by the testimony of transformed lives.

A greater reason. The commands found in Titus 2 are admirable, and it is
true that we experience enjoyable and fruitful family relationships when we follow God’s instructions. But the greater reason given to us to follow these commands is not for our personal fulfillment or preference, but for the sake of unbelievers – so that they may come to know the Savior.

We are to love our husbands and children, pursue self-control and purity, be workers at home, kind and submissive:
that the word of God will not be dishonored. (v. 5)

so that the opponent will be put to shame having nothing bad to say about us. (v.

so that they will the adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect. (v. 10)

Our conduct is a direct influence on how others think about the gospel. The world doesn’t judge us by our theology, but by our behavior. They want to see if what we believe makes a difference in our lives. Our actions either bring honor to God or misrepresent His truth. Titus 2 is about the transforming effect of the gospel, announcing that “the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men.” It heralds the news of “our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed…” (vv. 11-14). The Gospel has a transforming effect on those who have turned from their sins, trusted the Savior, and whose hearts have been changed. One of the most compelling testimonies a Christian can give is that of a righteous, holy, self-giving life. For that same reason we are reminded that our Lord “gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession zealous for good deeds” (2:14).

Love! Loving your Husband: The word used for ‘love’ in Titus 2:4 (Philandros) is not speaking of romantic or sexual love (which certainly have a proper place in marriage). It speaks of the committed love that godly wives choose to have for their husbands; a willing, determined love that is not based on a husband’s worthiness but on God’s command, and is extended by a wife’s affectionate and obedient heart. It means “beloved or a dear friend,” and describes the strong, deep love between very close friends. It’s tender, affectionate, passionate, and emphasizes enjoyment and respect in a relationship.

This love is given with no qualifications – these verses do not say “love your husband if he has godly character, or if he is deserving of this kind of love, or if he changes.” (Even unlovable, uncaring, and ungrateful husbands are to be loved.)

We are to train ourselves to love this way and it involves doing loving things for your husband, whether or not you feel like doing them. It involves putting his interests and welfare above your own. It involves sacrificial giving of yourself to him for his sake, not for the sake of appreciation or returned love or favor. “For if you love those who love you,” Jesus asked, “what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gathers do the same?” (Matt. 5:46)

When you sacrificially serve others, it becomes almost impossible not to love them. Where there is genuine, practical love, genuine emotional love is sure to follow.

Your own heart. Unfortunately we can gravitate toward sin and are not always prone to love or to be passionate and respectful toward our husbands. If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, we need to look in our own hearts. We have a sinful heart and where sin is present, warm affection dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness – all vigorously oppose tender love. But we can repent of our sin, receive the forgiveness of Christ and His power to change. The more we understand the sin in our own hearts, the more we appreciate the patience and mercy of God; and this, in turn, produces an attitude of humility and mercy toward our husbands.

Charles Spurgeon once said:
He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not expect his fellow Christians to be anything more. He overlooks ten thousand of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature, and, therefore, he is not disappointed when he does not find it.

When we see our husbands as sinners like ourselves – sinners in need of God’s grace and mercy – it strips away any intolerant, critical, demanding attitude we may be tempted to have. Every husband has areas he needs to change and grow, but so do we! (An attentiveness to our own sin will create an humble attitude that is essential, especially when we need to correct our husbands.) God uses marriage to help us grow in godliness. We become more Christ-like by having to deal with each other’s sins and deficiencies.

Practical ways to love your husband

Tender thoughts – Choose to focus on your husbands many commendable qualities, instead of thinking harsh and critical thoughts about his shortcomings.

Phil 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Prize Him – After your relationship with God, your relationship with your husband is to be your highest priority. (In Titus 2:3-5, the list of instructions for the younger women begins and ends with their relationship to their husbands.)
Woman was created to be her husband’s helper (Gen. 2:18), not her children’s mother. Certainly you are to love, care for, and nurture your children, but this love is to flow out of a lifestyle that is first and foremost committed to helping your husband. Your husband should always remain first in your heart and your care. It provides security for your children when you prize your husband above all others.

Cherish Him – This means to hold dear, care for tenderly, to nurture, to cling fondly to, or treat as precious. Be purposeful and show it with your actions!

Enjoy Him – Love him with joy and delight. We are to find great happiness in our relationship with our husbands. We should prefer their company above all others. We should find genuine pleasure in serving them, and we should take an interest in what they enjoy. (You don’t have to duplicate their interest or involvement, just understand that your interest is meaningful to them.) Invest in your relationship.

God gives us grace to cultivate this kind of love, not only during courtship, or your first year of marriage, but for your entire married life; your love for your husband can grow more and more with each passing year.

“For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” It’s one thing to say these words and another to keep them. Marriage is a covenant that bears out over the course of time, and statistically, half the time it doesn’t. Therefore, with abiding determination and love, seek to tie a knot with your husband that will not untie for a lifetime!

Think it over…

Understand what ‘loving your husband’ means.

Think of 2 of your husband’s most commendable qualities. (What do you love and appreciate about him most?)

Read the Charles Spurgeon quote above. How does a realization of Christ’s mercy to us – in spite of our sins and weaknesses – affect our love for our husbands?

What sin most commonly robs you of a tender love for your husband (anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness, etc.?)

What are the warning signs? How can you ‘keep your heart’ from this sin?

Have other people or things become more important to you than your husband? Who/What are they? Why do you think this is so?

What is one way that you can ‘change your thought pattern’ in order to cultivate tender thoughts toward your husband?

Give some examples of tender thoughts you can think toward your husband demonstrating that you prize, cherish, and enjoy him.

Give some examples of loving actions you can show toward your husband demonstrating that you prize, cherish, and enjoy him.

Some encouraging words about marriage and loving your husband

From an older woman, married 52 years…

Right from the beginning remember…”it’s about the marriage, NOT the wedding!” Always remember what’s most important – your relationship with the man you married. Give to your mate/marriage generously. This relationship is the core and has great influence in your home so give it the honor and attention in your heart and home that it deserves.

Cultivate a heart of contentment. Today’s marriage mindset “wants everything now” that it took their parents much of their lifetime to achieve/acquire – that’s not reasonable. Good relationships/marriages take time, patience, and prayer – BE PATIENT!

Avoid unreasonably high expectations for your husband/marriage – it brings frustration and disappointment. You are a sinner saved by grace married to a sinner saved by grace – get over your expectations of perfection.

Marriage isn’t always glamorous, but it should be fun! )

“Start out as you want to go.” Determine the kind of marriage/relationship with your husband that you want to have and set out in that direction. Understand God’s purpose for your marriage, and your important role in it, and follow that path. You won’t be wandering aimlessly; you will have the light of Scripture to lead the way.

Honor your husband above your children.
Keep a sense of humor!
Guard your tongue.
Listen.
Keep a home your husband wants to come home to.
Mealtime together is important.
Discuss your finances and help keep them under control.
Limit outside activities that draw you away from your husband & your home.
Be in agreement with your husband in front of the kids.

From an older woman, married 25 years…

Understand God’s blueprint for marriage found in the Scriptures, and follow it!

Be on guard – in today’s society you must filter out so much untruth. You are bombarded by messages that devalue marriage/men/husbands. “Your happiness is of utmost importance and the satisfaction of your needs is the ultimate goal…others have the ‘problems’ and need to change – not you.” Don’t be deceived – find and follow the truth in God’s Word.

“Lord, show me – me.” We all have selfish tendencies and are blinded to the negative contributions we make to our relationships. We can clearly see how others need to change, but often have blinders on concerning our own sinful habits — others are the ‘problem.’ Humbly ask God to show you –you. Ask Him to reveal your problem areas and sinful patterns, and the ways that you contribute to the problems you experience with your husband and marriage. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, seek to make a change!

There are many different ‘seasons’ in marriage – enjoy the one you’re in now.

Love your man and be his best friend.
Greet him when he returns home and focus on his needs.
Be irresistible and captivating to your husband.
Keep short accounts – seek and offer forgiveness.
Be humble.
Purposefully check your own attitudes – many problems begin with you.
Serve your husband and pray for him.
Remain playful!
Have a sense of humor.

From an older woman, married 55 years…

Continually ask yourself how you can make things easier for your husband.

Take the time to consider his life and schedule and determine how you can do things for him that show your care and concern and help to ease his burden.

Our society says to focus on your rights, yourself, and your needs first and foremost. Resist this with everything you have within you. Seek to serve others and follow God’s way!

Give your husband the respect he deserves as the head of your home.

Fulfill your duties within the home and make sure his needs are met.

Don’t neglect the basics: cooking meals, have clothes clean/ironed/available when they are needed, keep up on the house (picked up, clean, etc.)

Enjoy the husband God has given you!

From an older woman, married 39 years…

Study your husband, understand his needs, and ‘prepare a place’ (your home) for him. As an example, her husband grew up in a chaotic, unstable environment, and as an adult he needed order and structure in his home/life. She has worked to ‘prepare a place’ for him (their home) that provides that peace and comfort for him.

Prioritize your husband over your children.

From an older woman, married 30 years…

Pray together with your husband regularly!

Make sure that you spend time together with your husband in the bedroom!!

Respect your husband and his position as the head of your home.

Verbalize your appreciation to your husband, especially in front of the children! “I admire this about you…”

Remember what you loved and valued about him before you were married.

After being married awhile, you may find yourself ‘not appreciating’ the very qualities in your mate that you loved & valued prior to your marriage. He may feel the same about you! ) Choose to build him up — don’t tear him down. Appreciate how God has gifted him and how he is a blessing to your family.

We all come into marriage with ‘baggage’ that impacts how we interact with our husband and life in general. Work to unpack it, understand it, and if you’re stuck — seek help for yourself and your marriage…there is no shame there. Consider it coaching.

Remember Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Believe the best about your husband, and appreciate his love for you.

From an older woman, married 51 years…

Know this…God is bigger than any problem you will ever have! Depend on Him and His Word for wisdom and strength.

Read and re-read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and see love in action. With regard to your husband – be love in action toward him!

Study your husband and learn his likes and dislikes. Focus on meeting his needs and pleasing him.

Stay in the present, and don’t dwell on the past.

Don’t expect him to be able to read your mind – tell him what you’re thinking.

You can only control/be responsible for yourself.

It’s like a tennis game … in it you play one side of the game on one side of the court. You don’t hit the ball over the net and then run over to the other side of the court to tell the other person how to hit the ball back to you, only to run back to receive the ball again. Stay on your side, focus on your part, play your game! Instead of continually focusing on the shortcomings of your husband and his need for improvement, limit your scrutiny to your own sinful heart and your growing relationship with God. Let your main focus be to become the godly woman He wants you to be, and let God do His transforming work in your husband’s heart and life.

Remember that you reap what you sow.

What would you like your relationship with your husband to look like now and years down the road? If you desire love, kindness, respect, humor, friendship, intimacy, honesty, service, etc. then plant those seeds in your relationship, and water them with your words and actions. (You can’t expect a harvest of blessing in your marriage when you are planting ‘destructive’ seeds in drought conditions.)

Acknowledgements to sources utilized in this handout:
The MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Titus
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother,
Carolyn Mahaney
Becoming a Titus 2 Woman, Martha Peace
Just the Two of Us, Les & Leslie Parrott
To the 6 lovely women who generously shared what ‘loving your husband’ means to them – thank you so much, I enjoyed our time together immensely!!

Recommended reading:
The Bible
The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace
Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

How did God save you?
What is God doing in your life now?
What brought you to West Hills?
Has anything bad happened to you that turned out to be for the best?
What was your most memorable meal?
What is the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
Is science or art more essential to humanity?
Would you rather meet your great, great grandparents or great, great grandchildren?
What historical time period would you like to visit?
If you could master one instrument what would it be?
What’s the most amazing weather you’ve seen?
What’s the most beautiful drive you’ve taken?

Flower Arranging 101

* Before arranging flowers, gather your container and tools- floral shears, floral tape, flower frogs, marbles, pebbles and flower food.

* If cutting garden flowers, do so in the cool of early morning after a cool night has restored their strength, or after sunset when they are filled with food. If picking more than a few carry a bucket filled with tepid water adn place them there as you cut. Next, immerse stems into a deep container filled to the top with cool water, and let the flowers drink for at least an hour. Then, place them in a cool place before arranging them (add ice cubes if it is a very hot day).

* Whether you buy flowers or snip your own, cut stems preferably under water to avoid air bubbles at least one inch on a 45 degree angle to create a greater surface area, so as much water as possible will be absorbed before arranging them, and remove all foliage including thorns that would fall below the water line. Leaves will rot when they are submerged and will contribute to bacteria and algae in the container. Use sharp clippers or pruning shears for woody stems, and very sharp scissors or knives for other flowers.

* Fill the vase with fresh, room temperature water, and add a commercial cut-flower food. An alternative to commercial food is ordinary sugar for nourishment and a tablet of aspirin which makes the water easier to be absorbed. (Adding a teaspoon of liquid bleach to the water will prevent bacterial bloom.) Cluster the flowers in a bunch in your hand, keeping stems straight; place the bunch in the vase. Never place an arrangement near a heat source, i.e. fireplace or even a TV. The one exception is if you wnat them to open quickly. Then try placing them in full sunlight.

* Every day, refull with cold water. If water begins to look even a bit cloudy or if the stems have browned, pour it out, re-cut all stems, and add fresh, clean water.